Brothels in Fantasyland
by Foosemittee
Summary: If the realm of fairy tales had a red light district...and all of our most famous storybook girls were prostitutes...what would it be like? Told from the point of view of a john. Rated M for prostitution. Sorry if this story ruins your childhood!


Fairytale kingdoms usually have fairly infamous red light districts. I should know; I'm a fan of the ladies, so to speak. Red always calls me a womanizer, but I think that might be a joke. I don't listen much to what she says; it's awful hard to focus on sounds when you're faced with certain…sights. Madame Ursula's is one of those classy places…you know, the little brothels where the drinks are free and all the girls truly enjoy their work. All of the hookers in town have stories, and they'll tell you if you're paying and you actually listen. Red—she's my favorite, is Red—now, she ran away from home because of some fellow in the woodcarving business. Apparently she fooled around a little with the guy, and he actually expected her to marry him.

"Marriage," Red always says, crinkling her nose in that way she does. "Can you imagine? _Me,_ a wood carver's wife?" No, I usually cannot imagine a woman wearing a red corset—and little else—as a wood carver's wife.

Bianca actually _is_ someone's wife…or was…I think. I heard she was married to a tax collector who beat her or something. There's a rumor that she killed him. She's a nice gal, don't get me wrong, but she's always seemed a little creepy to me. She's too pale, too silent, and she doesn't ever…_move_, you understand? She's always just sitting there or just standing there or just lying there, no matter what it is she's supposed to be doing. I heard from a friend of mine that she caters to those guys who have a thing for chicks who look like corpses. Never been into that sort of thing, myself, but to each his own I guess.

Speaking of 'to each his own', there's one type of woman I _cannot_ stand…stuck-up girls like Isabelle. She thinks that she's better than anyone and everyone just because she's a hoity-toity whore from France. Me, I know that Madame Ursula pays her no more than she does the rest of the girls. Belle's no star. She just thinks she is, being the spoiled brat that she is. Apparently she had two older sisters but she was always the favorite because she was the youngest. Then her parents went broke and sold her to the first land-owning bastard that came along. She got out of _that_ by setting his rose garden on fire. Big lug just up and lost it…ran right into the greenhouse to save his precious flowers, and then she walked away, simple as pie. Sure, I can't stand the woman, but every now and then it's kinda nice to live dangerously, if you know what I mean.

Aria's a fine gal, a real lady. She sings and does burlesque…that sort of thing. I've never seen a woman with better legs. She's a little depressing, though, always pining away for some Finnish prince she met this one time when she was a fisherman's daughter. She's a fisherman's daughter still, but she's a long way away from the sea, and I think she misses it.

Elise _certainly_ doesn't miss _her_ home, let me tell you. She's one girl that you can look at and just _know_ that she's got issues. Apparently her mother died when she was young, and her father died after that, leaving her with her stepmother and stepsisters. Elise may have had it good there, or she may not; however, knowing her, I'd say that if she was out of the spotlight, she would kill to get back in. I know she's trashy, even for a tramp like she is. The woman's like a freaking contortionist, for crying out loud.

Of course, there are other brothels in town, if I ever tire of the girls and their troubles. Mama Faye's place is a little down the street from Madame Ursula's. It's a pretty run-down joint, and it's too expensive for what you get. I don't usually go there, even when I'm in a bind and desperate for company. There's _always_ somewhere or someone else. In fact, there's this street-walker I know named Alice who's an awful good sport. She's a druggie, though, one of those chicks who's real cheap because she needs fast cash so she can shoot up. Sad story, hers…kidnapped when she was twelve, been working the streets ever since. Poor girl.

If I had my pick, though, and money wasn't an issue, I'd go to La Royale. See, the thing about La Royale is that it caters to visiting nobles. Kings, princes, dukes, barons…if you've got a title, you've been there. If you're rich enough to afford a night there, then it's only a matter of time before you're knighted or something. Rich people always do end up in the King's favor, so it's never really an issue. Sure, it's an extremely classy venue…it's got silk and satin sheets, the place is built like a castle, and the wine cellar hasn't a bottle in it that's not a hundred years old and practically made out of rubies. But the girls there…well, they're something else. Sometimes you see them in the windows, looking out. The girls at La Royale really _glow_. I heard that all of them are one hundred percent magical, be they fey or elf. It's a pretty intense place, I'll give it that. Who knows what goes on in there? It's the nobles' best-kept secret, and I'll tell you this…sometimes it scares me half to death just thinking about it.


End file.
